The F word

Heads up: This is slightly rambly and personal but something which I've wanted to write about.

(TW: body image, ed, fat shaming)

People cannot say the F word.

Fat.

Which, of course, is entirely understandable. We have built a culture where the word 'fat' holds 
such a huge negative weight  around it, that if  we are to associate somebody with being fat, we are insulting them in the worst possible way.  But why is it insulting? Because nobody wants to be a Fat Person™ .

Fat Person™ is a overweight person who lives a terrible life because of their weight. They are undateable,  can't achieve any forms of success, unhealthy, dumb, not interesting, and unattractive.  This trademark has been perpetuated in educational systems, by the media, in workplace environments, by cultural perceptions - etc etc. Our foundations, our whole empire, consists of fat hating and fat phobia..We equate thin with a semantic field of positivity: attractive, healthy, successful, and have now internalized such a deep stigma around fat people and fat people's lives that we are now so unbelievably uncomfortable in associating people with it.  

It's such extreme bullshit.  A) We need to expel the myth that our body is only healthy when our body is thin.  We also need to expel the myth that our health is only connected to our appearance. Health is personal. Something which needs to be individually defined for each human being, it is not defined by a waist size. Also, unhealthy people, whether thin or fat, deserve respect and kindness too. You have no fucking idea what someone might have gone through for their health to be a certain way and it's not your concern. Your concern is to support them mentally.  B) Fat people are allowed to be sex positive and date whoever the fuck they want, just like everyone else. Regardless of what Cosmo magazine tries to tell you. C) Fat people can act and be whoever they want period. Their weight is never an indicator of their identity. 

As a chubby girl, I am constantly reminded by my peers that I am not chubby. No doubt they do this in order to not harm my self esteem,  so I  know they don't think I am a Fat Person™.  But really, it is ten times more harmful.  It is hard to accept your  body when people are constantly in denial of it even existing. ''You're not fat'', ''You're not big at all!'', ''Your weight doesn't even matter''. I can't even begin to count how many times this all has been said to me. I know my weight; I feel my stomach rolls when I sit down, my huge thunder thighs when I walk, my body has been with me all my life. I know it.  But  when people are constantly trying to comfort me by making me not accept it, it makes me feel confused and panicked. 

It upsets me to think people don't think I'm conscious of my weight. It upsets me that people don't think I want to be conscious of my weight. It affects how I get dressed on the morning - I can't wear that skirt because my stomach is visible, that skirt will make my hips look wider, those will make my legs look stumpy, ETC ETC.  

But it shouldn't do. I should be able to live my life in a fat body and fucking rock that fat body. If I look fat one day, I want someone to come up to me and be like, ''your pudge is on show and it looks fucking awesome''.

 I want to reclaim being a Fat Person™.

That Time Again?

Just Checking In

Thought I'd check in with the blog since it's been a considerable amount of time since I last made a post. 

I've been in a bit of a slump lately.

Once again finding myself in the face of adversity with a huge work pile to matc, to  my brain's first response was this: ''Unnngghh.''

Then my brain's second response,  after exerting all my brain power and motivation is: 

'''hskjagdkadsgsdwhydoIhavedotothiswhy.''

Then my third. Which is surprisingly more hopeful then the latter. You know, it tells it's self to think  or something. you know, like, actually function. I don't particularly want to think, but the brain's third response is always the most powerful one. So here I am powering through my English language coursework with a bowl of sweet and salted popcorn (which, by the way, is amazing. ITS POPCORN ALL THE THINGS)  trying not to feel sorry for myself.

Hope all the Wrimo-ers are prepared for the vastly approaching Novemember. Once again, I have way too many projects on the go, a terrible mindset, and not much prepared. But who cares for excuses, right?